Guess what? I found a new meme, courtesy of the BF! I knew you'd be thrilled. But it's a book-themed meme, so it should be relevant in some way to the topics here. Or not.
Book Meme
1) One book that changed your life.
I've thought long and hard about this answer. And I don't know that I can point to just one book. But for the sake of time, I'll just say something lame, which is a book called The Introvert Advantage. It's not a well-known book or even necessarily a good book, and it didn't exactly change my life, but I felt like it explained a lot of things about my personality and made me feel so much better about myself. I finally felt like it was OK, and not somehow socially deviant, to be a quiet, contemplative, and somewhat cautious person. And I realized that people who make fun of me? Are just extroverted retards who can't wrap their mind around the fact that someone who is quiet is not somehow wrong or bad or plotting the death of the world (though in my case that may be true); they are simply just made differently.
2) One book you've read more than once.
Well, if you know anything about me at all, you know that there are tons of books I've read more than once. These are the books I read on an annual/bi-annual basis: Jane Eyre (although it's sort of fallen out of the rotation, since I've read it so many times and gotten a little sick of it); The Accidental Tourist; Bridget Jones' Diary; To Kill a Mockingbird. I never claimed to be deep or anything.
3) One book you'd want with you on a desert island.
I've actually given this one some serious thought unrelated to the meme, and I think I'd have to go with the Bible. Not for religious reasons, obviously, but because a) the Bible is long and b) it has tons of different stories. You could open it anywhere and start reading, or go from start to finish - either way, hours of entertainment. On the other hand, it might be better just to go with one of the Norton anthologies of English literature.
4) One book that made you cry.
Hmm. I was never one of those horsey-girls growing up, so I can't give the pat Black Beauty answer. (Or whatever one it is that always makes twelve-year-old girls cry.) And in fact I have cried while reading many books, and probably recently too, but I just can't think of what they are right now. So I'll go with a book that I know made me cry when I first read it (yes, I was twelve): Anne of Green Gables. And I don't remember what it was exactly that made me cry, but I think it had something to do with Gilbert.
5) One book that made you laugh.
Any book by Anne Lamott, particularly Bird by Bird and Operating Instructions. That girl is funny.
6) One book that you wish had been written.
There's really no better answer than Ezra Klein's (from whose blog I got this meme in the first place).
"...I'd go with What I Think About Things, In Simple, Declarative Sentences and Dark Ink by Jesus."
And I'll add one of my own: How I Learned to Walk, Talk, and Obtain Self-Awareness by The First Man.
7) One book you wish had never been written.
I'm one of those lefty types who believes in a little thing called "intellectual freedom", and therefore it's hard for me not to think there is at least some merit to every idea out there, if only to show us how absurd and fucking crazy some rightwing nutjobs are. However, since I must give an answer, I'll say something all politically correct like Mein Kampf. The world would probably have turned out just fine had that book never been written.
8) One book you are reading currently.
A Thousand Acres by Jane Smiley. I bought it at the library's fall book sale. At least it's readable, unlike the last book I checked out, which shall remain nameless. (*cough* Poe's Shadow by Matthew Pearl *cough*)
9) One book you've been meaning to read.
The list could on forever. Basically I've been meaning to read every book that's been published, I just haven't found the time. But here's my answer: A Short History of Canada. If I'm going to be a citizen someday, it's something I should know about.
10) What book do you routinely recommend but haven't actually read?
Um. I don't know that I've ever recommended a book that I haven't read. Unless it's to say, "I hear such and such is a good book, but I haven't read it yet." I don't routinely recommend them, but I've been saying that a lot lately about Edward P. Jones' books (All Aunt Hagar's Children, The Known World), since he's a DC native and just published a new book that has been getting good reviews.
P.S. Still no news about the old job. Still toiling away at the horrible one.
Friday, September 29, 2006
Saturday, September 23, 2006
My melancholy whores...i mean, woes.
Judging from my lack of email these days, I'm beginning to think that my depression and bleakness of spirit is driving everyone away. Therefore, this post will be devoted to counting my blessings, so as to show that I too can see the glass as half full. Or at least not as pointlessly empty as I had feared.
So. Ahem.
My "Blessings" (by which term I do not intend to mean "gifts bestowed by a higher power", but rather "ways in which I, for whatever reason, happen to perhaps be more fortunate than others.")
1. With the exception of a vast array of dental problems, various infections, a cold, and several moles that may or may not be cancerous, I am healthy.
2. All of my limbs are present and functioning.
3. I am employed, with a steady paycheck and medical benefits (notice I didn't say a high paycheck, nor great benefits, but that is a discussion for another post).
4. I am no longer overweight.
5. I can run three miles in 30 minutes, which I've never been able to do before, having hated running like it was the spawn of satan since childhood. Although even now my right hip aches for the rest of the day.
6. I have a roof over my head, a bed to sleep in at night, and plenty of food on the table (nothing funny about that, sorry).
7. I am not insane, or at least not so much so that I walk around yelling at the voices in my head, or at the librarians in my local public library.
8. I am in a steady, long-term relationship with someone who presumably loves me despite my often irritating habit of hating the entire world and everyone in it.
9. I have an adorable cat who, while maybe not quite understanding the concept of love, at least accepts with good humor all the pets, kisses, hugs, cuddles, and cat food I lavish upon her. (Except when she's in a bad mood, and then she cannot abide the sight of my fat ugly face.)
10. Umm, ten. Teeeeennnnn.....OK. I have fairly reliable Internet access, without whose fruits of popular culture and online bill-paying/shopping convenience I would not be able to live.
11. All of my immediate family members are still alive and are more or less on speaking terms with one another.
12. While violence is not exactly unheard of in this area of the world, I don't generally have to fear for my life walking down the street and going about my normal everyday activities. Americans only start wars; we don't live with the consequences of them.
Alrighty, then. I think that's enough blessings for one post. Don't expect me to keep up this Miss Mary Sunshine act, though.
P.S. No word yet on whether I will be able to go back to my old job. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that bureaucracies move at the pace of geologic time. It could be weeks before I know anything for sure.
So. Ahem.
My "Blessings" (by which term I do not intend to mean "gifts bestowed by a higher power", but rather "ways in which I, for whatever reason, happen to perhaps be more fortunate than others.")
1. With the exception of a vast array of dental problems, various infections, a cold, and several moles that may or may not be cancerous, I am healthy.
2. All of my limbs are present and functioning.
3. I am employed, with a steady paycheck and medical benefits (notice I didn't say a high paycheck, nor great benefits, but that is a discussion for another post).
4. I am no longer overweight.
5. I can run three miles in 30 minutes, which I've never been able to do before, having hated running like it was the spawn of satan since childhood. Although even now my right hip aches for the rest of the day.
6. I have a roof over my head, a bed to sleep in at night, and plenty of food on the table (nothing funny about that, sorry).
7. I am not insane, or at least not so much so that I walk around yelling at the voices in my head, or at the librarians in my local public library.
8. I am in a steady, long-term relationship with someone who presumably loves me despite my often irritating habit of hating the entire world and everyone in it.
9. I have an adorable cat who, while maybe not quite understanding the concept of love, at least accepts with good humor all the pets, kisses, hugs, cuddles, and cat food I lavish upon her. (Except when she's in a bad mood, and then she cannot abide the sight of my fat ugly face.)
10. Umm, ten. Teeeeennnnn.....OK. I have fairly reliable Internet access, without whose fruits of popular culture and online bill-paying/shopping convenience I would not be able to live.
11. All of my immediate family members are still alive and are more or less on speaking terms with one another.
12. While violence is not exactly unheard of in this area of the world, I don't generally have to fear for my life walking down the street and going about my normal everyday activities. Americans only start wars; we don't live with the consequences of them.
Alrighty, then. I think that's enough blessings for one post. Don't expect me to keep up this Miss Mary Sunshine act, though.
P.S. No word yet on whether I will be able to go back to my old job. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that bureaucracies move at the pace of geologic time. It could be weeks before I know anything for sure.
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
First things first
My pirate name:
My pirate name is:
Dirty Ethel Vane
You're the pirate everyone else wants to throw in the ocean -- not to get rid of you, you understand; just to get rid of the smell. You tend to blend into the background occaisionally, but that's okay, because it's much easier to sneak up on people and disembowel them that way. Arr!
Get your own pirate name from piratequiz.com.
part of the fidius.org network
Second, things at work have gone from really, really bad to OH MY GOD THAT SUCKS. Just playing a waiting game now, which actually I've been doing since I took this new job and frankly I'm getting pretty tired of it. I find it interesting that the library management seems to think it's perfectly acceptable to keep dicking us around, promising us that new and exciting jobs are just around the corner, then yanking the rug out from under us repeatedly. We've now been given "temporary" assignments, since they decided on Friday to officially cancel my department, starting now. Um, thanks. They seem to forget that each of us applied for this job specifically,not just for any old reference desk job in the library. So now I'm just trying to decide when to hand in my notice; I was going to wait until I had an offer in writing from my old job, but now I honestly don't know if I can stay at the other place that long.
Anyway, may this be a lesson to all of you: beware a change of library management. Actually, beware of jobs that don't deliver what they promise within 30 days of starting. The really sad part of this whole story is that I felt in my gut all along that this was going to be a huge mistake for me, and lo and behold, it was. But no, being the good little soldier I am always trying to be, I kept going, hoping that things would change when all the signs were pointing to a dead end road. So. The moral here: it's OK to change your mind if that's what your instincts are telling you. I didn't have a crystal ball; I couldn't know before accepting this position that it was going to suck ass through a straw. But after a couple of weeks I could see that very clearly, and I should have gotten out right then.
Bah. Humbug.
My pirate name is:
Dirty Ethel Vane
You're the pirate everyone else wants to throw in the ocean -- not to get rid of you, you understand; just to get rid of the smell. You tend to blend into the background occaisionally, but that's okay, because it's much easier to sneak up on people and disembowel them that way. Arr!
Get your own pirate name from piratequiz.com.
part of the fidius.org network
Second, things at work have gone from really, really bad to OH MY GOD THAT SUCKS. Just playing a waiting game now, which actually I've been doing since I took this new job and frankly I'm getting pretty tired of it. I find it interesting that the library management seems to think it's perfectly acceptable to keep dicking us around, promising us that new and exciting jobs are just around the corner, then yanking the rug out from under us repeatedly. We've now been given "temporary" assignments, since they decided on Friday to officially cancel my department, starting now. Um, thanks. They seem to forget that each of us applied for this job specifically,not just for any old reference desk job in the library. So now I'm just trying to decide when to hand in my notice; I was going to wait until I had an offer in writing from my old job, but now I honestly don't know if I can stay at the other place that long.
Anyway, may this be a lesson to all of you: beware a change of library management. Actually, beware of jobs that don't deliver what they promise within 30 days of starting. The really sad part of this whole story is that I felt in my gut all along that this was going to be a huge mistake for me, and lo and behold, it was. But no, being the good little soldier I am always trying to be, I kept going, hoping that things would change when all the signs were pointing to a dead end road. So. The moral here: it's OK to change your mind if that's what your instincts are telling you. I didn't have a crystal ball; I couldn't know before accepting this position that it was going to suck ass through a straw. But after a couple of weeks I could see that very clearly, and I should have gotten out right then.
Bah. Humbug.
Sunday, September 17, 2006
Chronicles of the ghetto librarian
A few points of order:
1. A man was kicked out of the area where I was working on the reference desk for masturbating at a public access computer. Prior to his being escorted out by a security officer, he called me over to help him watch a porn movie. I refused. A short while later the other librarian working at the desk said another patron tipped him off that the man was masturbating, and the librarian went and got security.
2. My division has officially been dissolved. I haven't been laid off, thanks in large part to the librarian's union, but I have no idea what I'll be doing or where I'll be going next week. Of course, no one has had the courtesy to tell me this to my face; instead it's all been meted out through rumor and innuendo. However, one of my coworkers did get official confirmation from someone present at the fateful meeting where this was all decided. The staff in my division were not invited to said meeting, by the way.
3. Points one and two have cemented my determination to leave this job and go back to the old one. Career-wise I am probably making a huge mistake, but I don't think I can live like this for much longer.
4. Despite points one, two, and three above, the BF and I spent a lovely weekend in Williamsburg, Virginia. On Saturday we went to Busch Gardens, where we rode every rollercoaster the park had to offer; some of them we rode twice. It was excellent, and went a little something like this. (Amateur video taken by BF while waiting in line.)
5. On the drive home, we saw cops pulled over on the side of the freeway with their guns drawn. Both the BF and I, driving in the right lane next to the cop cars, were ready to duck for cover lest we be caught in the line of fire. Luckily as we eased by, it appeared as though the person in their sites was surrendering, and thus we were not in danger of being hit by stray bullets, but it was tense there for a second.
Never a dull moment.
1. A man was kicked out of the area where I was working on the reference desk for masturbating at a public access computer. Prior to his being escorted out by a security officer, he called me over to help him watch a porn movie. I refused. A short while later the other librarian working at the desk said another patron tipped him off that the man was masturbating, and the librarian went and got security.
2. My division has officially been dissolved. I haven't been laid off, thanks in large part to the librarian's union, but I have no idea what I'll be doing or where I'll be going next week. Of course, no one has had the courtesy to tell me this to my face; instead it's all been meted out through rumor and innuendo. However, one of my coworkers did get official confirmation from someone present at the fateful meeting where this was all decided. The staff in my division were not invited to said meeting, by the way.
3. Points one and two have cemented my determination to leave this job and go back to the old one. Career-wise I am probably making a huge mistake, but I don't think I can live like this for much longer.
4. Despite points one, two, and three above, the BF and I spent a lovely weekend in Williamsburg, Virginia. On Saturday we went to Busch Gardens, where we rode every rollercoaster the park had to offer; some of them we rode twice. It was excellent, and went a little something like this. (Amateur video taken by BF while waiting in line.)
5. On the drive home, we saw cops pulled over on the side of the freeway with their guns drawn. Both the BF and I, driving in the right lane next to the cop cars, were ready to duck for cover lest we be caught in the line of fire. Luckily as we eased by, it appeared as though the person in their sites was surrendering, and thus we were not in danger of being hit by stray bullets, but it was tense there for a second.
Never a dull moment.
Saturday, September 09, 2006
...And the suckage just keeps on coming
So more changes are in the works for me. I don't want to jinx it, so I'm not going to say what it is, but I bet you can probably guess from whence the changes spring. I am entering dark times. Or I guess I should say, the times are getting even darker than they were before. I am experiencing career/existential angst to an enormous degree; as in, if I have no career, do I exist? Or something like that. Or perhaps I'm merely pondering the lack of existence of a career. This is in addition to my turning-30 existential angst, which will happen sooner than I care to think about.
Oh, friends. At the risk of sounding like a downer ("You, a downer?" you say. "I am all astonishment!") I feel like not one good thing has come from this move to DC. Unless you count the gathering of self-knowledge that I can live on a pittance amidst people I hate, which I had already figured out from past experience, thank you very much.
I'm sorry, I hate to be so depressing. Here's one goo0d thing: I've just finished watching the Bleak House mini-series, which was excellent and I highly recommend it if you are into such things. You know what I love about the British? They aren't afraid to hire average-looking actors for roles that quite obviously require an average-looking person. I'm just saying. It's also great that they aren't afraid to hire hideously ugly people if the role requires it, which apparently several roles in Bleak House did. Anyway, the series has inspired me to reread Dicken's Bleak House book, but maybe I'll wait a little while so I can get a some distance from the show and really immerse myself in the novel. There, aren't you glad I told you that? I'm also thinking about lying in bed all day long for the rest of my life, subsisting on nothing but Godiva chocolates. But perhaps that's a less positive goal.
OK, I can't keep it a secret any longer since I want to solicit my dear readers' advice: I'm probably going back to my old job. Here's the deal: last week my co-workers and I had meetings with some of the management-types at the library. The outcomes of these meetings were not very encouraging, as it has become apparent that no one in management really full-on supports the mission and vision of our department. So here we've been doing nothing for two months, waiting on promises that soon we would be able to start doing the work we were hired to do. Now it looks as if that's not really going to happen, and while we won't be fired, we will probably be reassigned to different roles. Which means reassigned to different reference desks throughout the library. Which means working face-to-face with the crazy-ass patrons on a daily basis, something I never wanted to do in the first place (my originial job title would not have included desk reference), and for which I would have not taken the job in the first place had I known I would be required to do it. So I think I want to go back to a place where, if quiet and boring, at least sanity reigns supreme.
But the decision has not completely been made yet, and I am in a bit of a muddle. For one thing, I would be going back to mere subsistence pay (less, really). I would be going from a professional position back to a paraprofessional position. I would, in short, be setting my career back to square one. Can I afford to do this, either from a career-building standpoint or a personal-finance standpoint? No, I cannot. And yet going to work at the loony bin every day has me tied up in knots; I'm nervous and depressed all the time, and I dread going to work every morning. Not to mention that getting up at 5 a.m. so that I can go to the gym before work definitely has its downsides. So what do you think? Am I being completely moronic? Should I just suck it up and take it for nine more months until I can move? Or should I go back to my old job where I can be sane but bored and broke?
Oh, friends. At the risk of sounding like a downer ("You, a downer?" you say. "I am all astonishment!") I feel like not one good thing has come from this move to DC. Unless you count the gathering of self-knowledge that I can live on a pittance amidst people I hate, which I had already figured out from past experience, thank you very much.
I'm sorry, I hate to be so depressing. Here's one goo0d thing: I've just finished watching the Bleak House mini-series, which was excellent and I highly recommend it if you are into such things. You know what I love about the British? They aren't afraid to hire average-looking actors for roles that quite obviously require an average-looking person. I'm just saying. It's also great that they aren't afraid to hire hideously ugly people if the role requires it, which apparently several roles in Bleak House did. Anyway, the series has inspired me to reread Dicken's Bleak House book, but maybe I'll wait a little while so I can get a some distance from the show and really immerse myself in the novel. There, aren't you glad I told you that? I'm also thinking about lying in bed all day long for the rest of my life, subsisting on nothing but Godiva chocolates. But perhaps that's a less positive goal.
OK, I can't keep it a secret any longer since I want to solicit my dear readers' advice: I'm probably going back to my old job. Here's the deal: last week my co-workers and I had meetings with some of the management-types at the library. The outcomes of these meetings were not very encouraging, as it has become apparent that no one in management really full-on supports the mission and vision of our department. So here we've been doing nothing for two months, waiting on promises that soon we would be able to start doing the work we were hired to do. Now it looks as if that's not really going to happen, and while we won't be fired, we will probably be reassigned to different roles. Which means reassigned to different reference desks throughout the library. Which means working face-to-face with the crazy-ass patrons on a daily basis, something I never wanted to do in the first place (my originial job title would not have included desk reference), and for which I would have not taken the job in the first place had I known I would be required to do it. So I think I want to go back to a place where, if quiet and boring, at least sanity reigns supreme.
But the decision has not completely been made yet, and I am in a bit of a muddle. For one thing, I would be going back to mere subsistence pay (less, really). I would be going from a professional position back to a paraprofessional position. I would, in short, be setting my career back to square one. Can I afford to do this, either from a career-building standpoint or a personal-finance standpoint? No, I cannot. And yet going to work at the loony bin every day has me tied up in knots; I'm nervous and depressed all the time, and I dread going to work every morning. Not to mention that getting up at 5 a.m. so that I can go to the gym before work definitely has its downsides. So what do you think? Am I being completely moronic? Should I just suck it up and take it for nine more months until I can move? Or should I go back to my old job where I can be sane but bored and broke?
Saturday, September 02, 2006
Somebody here is smoking crack, and it isn't you
OK, I'm back from whatever little self-delusion inspired me to think I could actually run a half-marathon. For one thing, I started looking at running blogs after writing that last post, and kept coming across a bunch of scary, baffling terminology that I'd never heard before, such as "training" and "long run." So then I saw the light and realized that maybe I should start off with something a bit smaller, like maybe a 5K. For now I'll leave the marathons and half-marathons to the people who actually know what they're doing (or like to pretend they do, for the sake of bragging about their finishing times to other runners).
In other news, my job just keeps getting suckier and suckier. Some new things have come about, some new, bad things. And I found out that one of my co-workers, the one I really enjoy working with and feel a solidarity with, is looking for other jobs. Oy vey. My entire being has been screaming OH SHIT!! for the past month or so, which is beginning to take a toll on me. Luckily my appetite remains undiminished. However, the rest of me has become one large knotted ball of stress. I'm just trying to figure out a way to hang on until next summer, at which point I am going to spin a globe and move to the exact spot which is farthest away from here. Well, that's a lie--actually I'll move back to the Northwest, which is as far away from here as you can get in the Continental United States.
In more other news, Tropical Storm Ernesto has my undying gratitude, for it is through him that we received lots of wind, rain, and temperatures in the --wait for it-- 60s yesterday. The entire day was gray and stormy, and while today isn't as cool or as tempestuous, it is also blissfully gray and unhot and unhumid and un-DC-like. Of course by Monday temperatures will be back in the stifling 80s with enough humidity to drown a small child, but what can you do.
In other news, my job just keeps getting suckier and suckier. Some new things have come about, some new, bad things. And I found out that one of my co-workers, the one I really enjoy working with and feel a solidarity with, is looking for other jobs. Oy vey. My entire being has been screaming OH SHIT!! for the past month or so, which is beginning to take a toll on me. Luckily my appetite remains undiminished. However, the rest of me has become one large knotted ball of stress. I'm just trying to figure out a way to hang on until next summer, at which point I am going to spin a globe and move to the exact spot which is farthest away from here. Well, that's a lie--actually I'll move back to the Northwest, which is as far away from here as you can get in the Continental United States.
In more other news, Tropical Storm Ernesto has my undying gratitude, for it is through him that we received lots of wind, rain, and temperatures in the --wait for it-- 60s yesterday. The entire day was gray and stormy, and while today isn't as cool or as tempestuous, it is also blissfully gray and unhot and unhumid and un-DC-like. Of course by Monday temperatures will be back in the stifling 80s with enough humidity to drown a small child, but what can you do.
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