So more changes are in the works for me. I don't want to jinx it, so I'm not going to say what it is, but I bet you can probably guess from whence the changes spring. I am entering dark times. Or I guess I should say, the times are getting even darker than they were before. I am experiencing career/existential angst to an enormous degree; as in, if I have no career, do I exist? Or something like that. Or perhaps I'm merely pondering the lack of existence of a career. This is in addition to my turning-30 existential angst, which will happen sooner than I care to think about.
Oh, friends. At the risk of sounding like a downer ("You, a downer?" you say. "I am all astonishment!") I feel like not one good thing has come from this move to DC. Unless you count the gathering of self-knowledge that I can live on a pittance amidst people I hate, which I had already figured out from past experience, thank you very much.
I'm sorry, I hate to be so depressing. Here's one goo0d thing: I've just finished watching the Bleak House mini-series, which was excellent and I highly recommend it if you are into such things. You know what I love about the British? They aren't afraid to hire average-looking actors for roles that quite obviously require an average-looking person. I'm just saying. It's also great that they aren't afraid to hire hideously ugly people if the role requires it, which apparently several roles in Bleak House did. Anyway, the series has inspired me to reread Dicken's Bleak House book, but maybe I'll wait a little while so I can get a some distance from the show and really immerse myself in the novel. There, aren't you glad I told you that? I'm also thinking about lying in bed all day long for the rest of my life, subsisting on nothing but Godiva chocolates. But perhaps that's a less positive goal.
OK, I can't keep it a secret any longer since I want to solicit my dear readers' advice: I'm probably going back to my old job. Here's the deal: last week my co-workers and I had meetings with some of the management-types at the library. The outcomes of these meetings were not very encouraging, as it has become apparent that no one in management really full-on supports the mission and vision of our department. So here we've been doing nothing for two months, waiting on promises that soon we would be able to start doing the work we were hired to do. Now it looks as if that's not really going to happen, and while we won't be fired, we will probably be reassigned to different roles. Which means reassigned to different reference desks throughout the library. Which means working face-to-face with the crazy-ass patrons on a daily basis, something I never wanted to do in the first place (my originial job title would not have included desk reference), and for which I would have not taken the job in the first place had I known I would be required to do it. So I think I want to go back to a place where, if quiet and boring, at least sanity reigns supreme.
But the decision has not completely been made yet, and I am in a bit of a muddle. For one thing, I would be going back to mere subsistence pay (less, really). I would be going from a professional position back to a paraprofessional position. I would, in short, be setting my career back to square one. Can I afford to do this, either from a career-building standpoint or a personal-finance standpoint? No, I cannot. And yet going to work at the loony bin every day has me tied up in knots; I'm nervous and depressed all the time, and I dread going to work every morning. Not to mention that getting up at 5 a.m. so that I can go to the gym before work definitely has its downsides. So what do you think? Am I being completely moronic? Should I just suck it up and take it for nine more months until I can move? Or should I go back to my old job where I can be sane but bored and broke?
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