What a week

We live in a sick, sad world. And that's really about all the energy I have right now to comment on Monday's horrific events. Every day at work this week has been like attending an eight-hour funeral and I'm just drained.

What makes me particularly angry about this whole thing is that it showcases to the world the most violent aspect of our supposedly civilized society. And we ARE a violent society--this country was founded by guerrilla fighters who started a war with the British because they had the audacity to tax our TEA, for crying out loud. And I won't even go into a tirade over gun control laws because I think this incident speaks loud enough for everyone to hear. (And by the way, I don't think the usual argument--"criminals can get their hands on guns if they want them badly enough, whether or not they're legal"--applies in this case, since this was a middle-class kid from suburbia with a clean criminal background. I don't for a minute believe he would have known where to get an illegal handgun.)

Violence runs through our veins, and each school shooting and Waco and Oklahoma bombing and invasion of Iraq--which I'm sorry, these things DO NOT happen on a regular basis in most other western countries--highlights to the world what we so like to keep hidden under our SUV-driving, Starbucks-drinking facades.

OK, I guess I had a little more energy than I thought.

Anyway, now I'm rambling and I don't know what I'm trying to say, other than that I really, really want to go back to Canada.

And now I'm tired of talking about death and tragedy. During my weekly Thursday afternoon perusal of the Internets, I came across this really stupid thing on the Best of Craigslist, entitled "143 Reasons I Will be the Best Girlfriend You've Ever Had". So to lighten the mood, I've made up my own, opposing list. Enjoy.

Reasons why I will NOT be the best girlfriend you ever had (and I don’t give a shit if I am or not)

1. I don’t give a shit if I am or not. Being in love with someone is not a competition.
2. I don’t like the color purple. Ok, that’s a lie, but the point is, wtf does color preference have to do with it?
3. I go to the gym, but I still have some cellulite and I don’t look like a supermodel. Sorry.
4. I like to eat. A lot.
5. I don’t keep up my nails.
6. I rarely get my toes done.
7. I drive an automatic, when I drive, and I will never learn how to drive a manual.
8. I don’t want to watch you work on your car. It will not get me hot. What I WOULD like to see is you volunteering to take the car into the shop to get worked on without me having to constantly nag.
   
9. I don’t care what kind of car you drive.
10. I drive a 1996 Ford Contour, baby! Does that get your motor running?
11. I’m short but not little, and it makes me mad that I always have to look up to you. (And why would you find it a turn-on for a woman to always have to crane her neck to see you?)
    
12. I wear granny panties.
13. My hair isn’t long.
14. I can’t guarantee you I won’t steal food off your plate. I’m fat, remember?
15. I won’t always let you be the “man” in the relationship. Whatever that means. I will assert my opinions in ways that I see fit, and I might be aggressive about it if I feel I need to be.
16. I don’t always smell good, particularly early in the morning or after I work out. There’s a little thing humans do, called sweating. I sweat.
    
17. I don’t even know what “ghost ride” means.
18. I’m 30 with the mind of a 30-year-old and the heart of a 30-year-old. If I act like I’m 10, please slap me.
19. I might “burden you” with my PMS problems. I can’t help it – it’s PMS. And if you get on my case about it, I might start yelling or crying hysterically. Or I might just shove a piece of cake in my mouth and ignore you.
20. I don’t have any of my childhood belongings with me because I’m an adult.
21. You + Me + Dancing + Outdoors + Rain = Afternoon spent being miserable because I hate being cold and wet, and you WILL hear about it.
22. If I “accidentally” leave my underwear in your bed, you have my permission to be grossed out.