Congratulations, MLIS grads and soon-to-be grads! You know who you are.

SUCKERS. Joking, joking.

But seriously, I thought I'd take some time to share a little of my hard-earned post-library school wisdom with my friends who are now emerging onto the library-job-search scene, so that they don't get the same smack-in-the-face-HELLO!-what-were-you-thinking wake up call experienced by myself and my contemporaries upon our descent into the seedy underbelly of the entry level library job hunt.*

*Here's where I promise I will try to keep the cynicism down to a minimum-to-only-slightly-snarky level, so as to not discourage you and make you flee in terror from this wonderful world we like to call Library.

**Disclaimer: Everything I'm about to say applies only to the U.S. I have no experience searching for jobs in Canada, but it seems from judging by the number of my Canadian friends with jobs vs. the number of my American friends with jobs that the Canadian market is quite a bit more open than the American one. Just something to keep in mind.

OK, first, I have heard from sources that it is pointless to look for jobs in New York state. Now we all know someone who got a job there, but I'm just saying what I heard. Apparently the library school-graduate ratio to library jobs is not in our favor, what with all the library schools they have there, and they just keep churning out the grads every four months or so. Also, you can take it from me that unless you have connections or are some kind of wunderkind, do not even bother applying for jobs in the Washington, D.C. area. It's too competitive. Everyone else applying for jobs has too much experience, or knows someone high-up who can pull strings. I would also guess that Washington state and the Pacific Northwest in general is not the A-number one place to look, either. I see a lot of jobs advertised in California and Florida, though.

Second, I'm sorry to have to be the one to tell you, but there are no entry-level jobs. They just don't exist. Yeah, it's a real bummer. See, you will find job postings that say they are entry-level, or imply by their required qualifications that they are entry-level (i.e. the only requirement will be an MLIS from an accredited school), but in fact the job market is so saturated in the U.S. that employers will actually receive several applications from people who have a few or many years experience. And since people with experience generally need less training and handholding than those of us fresh out of school, guess who will get the job. And so much the better if the person with the experience is willing to work for an entry level salary. The result? We all get paid less! Hurray!

Third, be prepared for the job hunt to take a lot longer than you were expecting. Using myself as an example, it may take a year or longer to find something that pays half-way decently and is professionally satisfying. OK, in my case, longer than a year. And counting. You may have to take a job that is unworthy of you, just to make ends meet. You may have to endure countless humiliating interviews that turn out to be dead-ends, each time suffering the agony of either a) sucking ass in the interview and knowing it or b) sucking ass in the interview and not knowing it, emerging from it in breathless anticipation of an offer, telling your friends and loved ones you just KNOW this is The One, only to never hear back from the place again, except maybe in a distant chuckle on the wind.

Hmm, not doing so well with the cynicism. But anyway. I'd also like to share some of my tips on interviewing for the new grads, since I'm so accomplished in this area.

1) Try to get sleep the night before a big interview. I highly recommend it. If you get sleep, you will feel powerful and alert, whereas if you don't get sleep, it will take a Herculean effort not to drool all over yourself, much less say anything intelligent.

2) Try not to make it seem as though you lied on your resume and/or online portfolio. I think we all remember my own personal debacle with this, and how it turned out. (If you can't remember, I think it was in my very first blog post ever. It should be archived. I'm too lazy to figure out how to link it.)

3) For God's sakes, think of something good to say! At the very least, try very hard not to sound like a blithering idiot. This is where I always fail.

4) Remember to write a thank-you note, which I always forget to do. I don't actually know if it has any effect on the hiring outcome, but a little sweet-talkin' never hurt anyone.

5) If you haven't heard back within two weeks, you aint gonna. Sorry. [Except, of course, in my case, where I suddenly, inexplicably heard back two months later. And speaking of that, I still haven't heard back from my "yes, I am still interested" email. See next tip.]

6) The people doing the hiring are in general big jerks. They only get back to you, if they get back to you, on their own schedule, which is usually long after your interview, at which point you already know you didn't get the job anyway and seeing that reject letter in the mailbox is like a dagger in the heart. Like a kick in the balls when you're already writhing around and moaning on the floor. (Not that I would know of course, but I hear it's quite painful or something.)

Well, that's about all I have for you, grads. The deep, deep wisdom of Un[der]employed Hack, in all its stupid glory.

Congratulations again, and best of luck with the job search!