Fun with Blogthings

Your Brain's Pattern

You have a tempered, reasonable way of thinking. You tend to take every new idea in, and meld it with your world view. For you, everything is always changing. Each moment is different. Your thinking process tends to be very natural - with no beginnings or endings.

What Pattern Is Your Brain?

In a Past Life...

You Were: An Evil Chief. Where You Lived: Ontario. How You Died: Buried alive.

Who Were You In a Past Life?

Hehe. Excellent.

Your Pimp Name Is...

Silky Luv

What's Your Pimp Name?

Indeed.

Your Monster Profile

Cruel Fiend You Feast On: Fingernails You Lurk Around In: The Backseats of Cars You Especially Like to Torment: Priests

What's Your Monster Name?

I obviously don't have enough to fill my time.

Memes R Us

Before I get started on this week's meme, I would just like to mention that one of the perks of my new job is getting yelled at by crazy people on a daily basis. I quite enjoy it, and think that I have really perfected my skill at being a target for other people's psychoses. Another thing I'm really good at these days is getting eye-raped by every scumbag who walks through the door. So, I'm learning lots of new things at this job and should have quite the skill set to put on my resume by the time I depart.

That is all.

OK, the meme. I got this from the archives at Dooce, and while it closely resembles other memes I have done it is completely new and therefore I am obligated to do it, even though of course I was not actually tagged by Dooce (nor anyone, ever).

Four Movies I Can Watch Over and Over (the list is much longer than four in my case, but I'll try to narrow it down for you)

1. Office Space - this one is a given. I don't even think I need to extrapolate on its superb qualities of watchability.
2. Pride and Prejudice, the 1995 BBC version with Colin Firth and Jennifer Ehle. This movie (all six hours of it) is like comfort food to me - whenever I'm nervous or depressed or just in the mood to watch a hunky man in breeches, this does it for me.
3. Strictly Ballroom. I don't watch this as much as I used to, but it's still a timeless tale of Australian ballroom dancers with really funky hair who dare to dance their own steps.
4. The Breakfast Club. I had to throw in an '80s John Hughes movie just for balance.

Four Places I have Lived

1. Boise, Idaho. I grew up there, as mentioned in another meme. I don't really miss it, but I do miss my childhood home and dream about it a lot.
2. Salem, Oregon. Yep. Not really much to say about that, is there?
3. Tacoma, Washington. A much better place than people imagine it to be, and a much better place to live than to visit. I do miss Tacoma, and its lovely aroma.
4. Ashland, Oregon. Everyone already knows that I currently live in D.C. and before that in Vancouver, B.C. so I thought I'd go for the wild card here. Ashland is lovely and I would live there again - a small town with a lot of culture and character (helped along immensely by the presence of the Oregon Shakespeare Festival, which despite being located in southern Oregon is actually quite renowned). I lived there during my freshman year in college.

Four TV Shows I Love

1. Little House on the Prairie
2. Six Feet Under
3. Cold Case Files/American Justice/City Confidential (they are all virtually the same show)
4. Daily Show

Four Places I've Vacationed

1. Bahamas
2. Europe
3. Crater Lake, OR
4. Arizona

Four of My Favorite Dishes

1. Burger and fries
2. Filet mignon
3. Beef stew
4. Pad Thai
(Obviously I am not a vegetarian)

Four Places I Would Rather Be Right Now

1. Oregon coast
2. Vancouver, B.C.
3. Alaska
4. Iceland

Four Sites I Visit Daily (or thereabouts)

1. Washingtonpost.com
2. Dooce.com
3. Anything Said
4. Go Fug Yourself

UPDATE: So I got my first paycheck today. It was sort of a punch in the gut to realize how much more the government rapes you when you suddenly become a middle-class wage earner. I literally feel as though I have been physically assaulted and forcibly separated from my rightful income. Long story short, I'm not bringing home nearly as much money as I'd counted on and am now contemplating becoming an illegal immigrant worker so that I don't have to pay taxes.*

*I realize this is an insensitive thing to say.

Welcome to my 100th blog post!

This probably wouldn't be a big deal if I updated my blog on a semi-regular basis, and I'm ashamed to say that it's also getting pretty close to my one-year blogiversary. Two things about this are sad: 1) There are 365 days in a year, and I've only just now reached 100 posts, and 2) I just used the term blogiversary.

Anyway. I've now become one of the Orange Line denizens who travels to and from the city every day. I mean, I've always taken the Orange Line to get to work, but I used to work out in the burbs, which meant traveling AWAY from the city. Away from city=pleasant, relaxing ride. Toward city=hellish stench of humanity PEOPLE GET OUT OF MY FACE. For those of you not familiar with the Orange Line, what this means is that you spend 30-40 minutes of your morning and evening squished up against a total stranger(s), usually with one arm sticking out awkardly at various angles so as to grasp any stable object in order to stay upright and avoid falling over onto someone's lap as the train lurches down the tracks. Additionally, taking the Orange Line, as opposed to one of the other many lines that also runs through downtown, means you are riding the most crowded train known to man, and it is probably double the actual recommended safe occupancy of the train. It also means that I spend a good deal of time shoving people out of my way as I attempt to deboard the train, only occasionally muttering, "Excuse me," in an exasperated tone when someone clearly isn't moving aside fast enough to let me through.

All of this puts me in a very bad mood. Last Thursday really took the cake, though. On my way home the trains were delayed, as naturally they would be since I'd had a bad day and all I wanted was to get home, and therefore all the forces of nature did everything in their power to prevent me from achieving this goal. When the next train finally did arrive, the people coming off the train took so freakin' long to deboard that hardly anyone (and there was quite a crowd waiting by that point) could get onto the train before the doors closed. This happened twice - a train would come, people would pour off it in a never-ending stream, and only a handful of those waiting would manage to squeeze their way on before the driver sped off again. What may not be readily apparent is that the driver can actually control when the doors close. So basically, these drivers were just being assholes. As if there isn't enough trauma and strife in the world, we now have to put up with asshole subway train drivers who seem to enjoy making everyone's commute even more hellish than it already is. THANKS A LOT, ASSHOLES.

And since I'm on the subject of things I hate about the subway, how about those people who insist, no matter what you might do to get around them, on getting in your way and doing so in a very SLOOOOW and MEEEEEEAAAAAAAANNNNNNNDERING manner. I'm ashamed to say, I've come dangerously close to physically shoving someone out of my way when all other tactics have failed. Don't even get me started on the toursists who stand on the left side of the escalator like giant, slow-witted cows, looking very pleased with themselves as those of us in a hurry screech to a halt behind them, or those families with five little kids who mystery refuse to ride the elevator and who force their children to stand on the left for the entire length of the escalator, thus ensuring that an angry mob of commuters will clot up behind them and bolt past them in a show of passive-aggressive rudeness once they reach the bottom.

Ah, the joys of riding the subway, they are many. I mean, I do appreciate not having to drive my car to work, but is being transported by cattle-car really the only viable option in a thriving city with some of the best minds in the country? Surely this is something we can work on.

OK, I'm done complaining (for now). I'd like to send you off with this great link. Enjoy.

So now that nobody reads this blog anymore...

Hi there. Sorry I've been gone for so long. I've had writer's block/gag lately, what with being sort of between jobs and then starting a new job at a large and public organization that I don't really feel I can talk about here. Suffice to say, I am at the new job, I started a week ago. It is meh. However, the salary is enough to cover the meh-ness, at least for the amount of time I plan to be at this job (one year). So far I've not been given much more to do than I had at the other job, which once again sets me to wondering what it is about me that attracts the blah, boring positions. Do people look at me and think, "Now here's a girl who can sit and do nothing all day, by golly."

Who knows. The whole switching of the jobs has thrown a crimp into my routine, as normally it would, which is causing me to have anxiety attacks and be miserable in general. Once again I am all in a dither as to what to do about my work-outs, but I just keep hoping that things will fall into place naturally as they did the last time I was in this predicament. And not to turn this into a running blog or anything, but I've actually started running on the treadmill once or twice a week - my new achievement has been to run 3 miles in one session, stopping only for water. I realize this is generally a trifle for anyone who has functioning legs, but I am bad at running and therefore this is a triumph for me. And luckily I don't have to worry about boring anyone with the details of my workout routines, since my 2.5 readers long ago abandoned me. It's freeing, actually.

What else? I'm currently reading Made in America by Bill Bryson, which unfortunately isn't one of his better works. But still interesting. The book is purportedly about how American English evolved into what it is, but is actually more of a combination of popular American history and a Lies My Teacher Told Me sort of thing. It's good, just not what I expected it to be. My work station at the new job is right next to the Popular Reading section, so I expect to be keeping them in business. Or whatever.

Well, it's coming up to my bedtime so I guess I'll bid you all (meaning no one) a good evening. Adieu.

Happy Canada Day!

Well, I started this post a few days ago, but since I haven't finished it yet and since today is Canada Day, it is now the official Canada Day Post. BF and I mosied on down to the Canadian Embassy this morning for their Canada Day pancake feed - this year's theme was the Calgary Stampede, so it was country-music-a-go-go. We didn't stay very long because, alas, the line for pancakes was never-ending--we never did actually find the end of it--and we were starving, having traveled in the heat of the morning to get there. But still, it was nice to be among Canadians and fans of Canada once again.

And now, since it's officially summer, and since I haven't bored you with a list for at least three posts, it's summer reading list time! Hurray! It's also I Don't Have Anything Interesting to Write About Time! Hurray!

These are the books that I think are good beach reads, and there will probably be nothing other than that concept to thematically link them. I haven't really thought that far ahead, so I don't know, we'll see what I come up with. (Incidentally, you know what movie I love? High Fidelity. The sheer number of lists alone is enough to make me drool, and then you add in John Cusack? Plus Jack Black? Love.) Anyway.

Good Summer Reads

1) Bag of Bones by Stephen King. I love to read horrors in the middle of a bright, sunny summer afternoon. This one is particularly well-suited for a summer read because it's set in the summer (if I remember correctly) and because it's not your typical Stephen King demons-and-possessed cars book. It's more creepy than outright scary, and believe me, after awhile it will creep you out. I can't remember all of the plot, but I know it revolves around racism, jazz, and Maine. It evokes the movie Skeleton Key in my mind for some reason.

2) To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee. Again, much of it is set in the summer--hot, sticky southern summers--and there's just something about summertime that makes me ultra-nostalgic for childhood. Which is of course what this book is about, in part - the innocence of childhood.

3) Walk in the Woods by Bill Bryson. A nice, light summer read. Bryson has a great sense of humor and writes with a very light touch, but isn't shallow. This one is about his efforts to hike the Appalachian trail with an old friend who maybe isn't in the greatest of shape and maybe doesn't quite have his life together.

4) Jane Austen Book Club by Karen Joy Fowler. It's about people who get together and read Jane Austen books and look to them for inspiration in their love lives. Light, breezy, perfect to read in like two sittings.

5) Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris. Funny yet pointless little essays. If you haven't read the one about the Macy's elf you will pee you pants from the humor of it all. Just read it.

Extra Bonus - My Picks for Top Summer Movies

1) Wet Hot American Summer - Parody of all those '80s teen summer movies. Quite funny and dead-on.

2) Scream - The horror thing again.

3) Top Gun - Only applies if you are a heterosexual woman (and Tom Cruise is really wearing out his welcome - may have to rethink this one...)

4) Walking and Talking - Good indie movie with Liev Schreiber, Catherine Keener before she was famous, and Anne Heche. Actually, I don't think any of them were famous yet, but it's such a great depiction of people just being friends.

5) Swimming Pool - British film starring Charlotte Rampling and some French actress whom BF informs me is Very Hot. You think it's gonna be all stuffy and boring, and then it turns dark and mysterious. I love the mystery and the darkness, what can I say.

Welcome to The Misanthrope, where it's Boring Vacation Photo Day

This is me at Titlow Beach in Tacoma. In the background you might be able to faintly see the Tacoma Narrows Bridge.

This is Crater Lake, supposedly the deepest and bluest lake in the United States.

Ditto.

The Oregon Coast.

By the way, you may have noticed that I changed the name of the blog - I'm not sure yet if I'll change the URL, but for now it will stay the same.

The big news

So guess what. I'm going to have to change the name of the blog, because I am no longer either unemployed or underemployed. Yep, you inferred that correctly. I got an offer from the place where I had a really good interview, didn't hear back for two months, got a vaguely worded email asking if I was still interested, didn't hear back for another month, and then BOOM, last week I got an official offer. Though this place isn't my first choice as far as type of library, location and work environment, at least its something. Of course, I have my theories that this job offer is life's little way of whispering in my ear: You thought you had problems when you were poor? How about hating your job and living in dread of going to work every morning? Not that I'm gonna hate it, but I'm just saying. The universe likes to teach me funny little lessons like this. (That's just my pessimism rearing its ugly head - pay it no attention.)

But never fear, oh my vast readership - I shall continue writing the blog for as long as I can think of anything vaguely amusing to say, and probably way after that, too. In fact, I may have reached that point already.

In other news, I'm still on vacation in the Northwest and am actually blogging from the Oregon Coast right this minute. And all I have to say about this whole week is: If I had not just gotten a good job offer, there's no way in hell I would getting back on that plane to D.C. It's going to rip my heart out to leave as it is, and I feel wrenching pangs of remorse that I did not more fully appreciate the natural beauty and down-to-earthness of this place while I had the opportunity to partake of it. And now I swear this oath, Never Again! I bow to you, O Grand Pacific Northwest! Take me back unto your bosom of plenty! Pleeeeeeeeaaaaaaaase!

Alas, it is not to be this trip. Perhaps someday soon...

P.S. Stay tuned for photos.
P.S.S. It was great to see my friends in Seattle - I miss you and I wish we could see each other more often! Soon, soon, my pretties.

I'm back, bitches!

Or will be soon, anyway. That's right, I'm going back to the Northwest for a short vacay in less than a week and I can't wait. Unfortunately life has been pretty much same ol' same ol' for the past few weeks, with the exception of the sudden arrival of ass-sucking humidity and heat, which is what we here in the South like to refer to as Summer. I had forgotten how disgusting the humidity here can be, although I vaguely remember describing it at length in this very forum; I figure it's sort of like childbirth in that it's the kind of pain that makes you want to kill yourself at the time, and yet a few months later it's only a hazy memory. So the point is, I'm looking forward to ten days in the NW sans humidity and possibly sans heat as well. Yay rain and mild conditions! You can expect a full report when I get back, although I can't say we'll be doing anything too exciting - much of the time will be spent driving a rental car back and forth between Oregon and Washington. Which is fine - yay anything that's not the Beltway! (Not that I would know since I don't drive around here, but I hear it's hellish.)

Other items of business:

The BF and I have become obsessed, along with the rest of North America, with Lost. Only we just now started watching, so we've only made it through the first season and are having a hell of a time trying to NOT hear what went on in the second season finale. (Please just tell me that the blond bitch whose name I cannot even remember but who slept with her step brother either dies, or Sayid comes to his senses and realizes that he is a hot Iraqi who could have any woman on the island, and Step-Brother Whore is a herpes-ridden skank who cannot act? Please?) But we plowed through all the episodes in season one in about two weeks, so no doubt we'll be caught up pretty quick, and then we'll be forced to watch each new episode in agonizing week-by-week one-hour spurts with commercials, which will not be cool. I have a feeling we'll just wait it out until season three is on DVD. We're not really ones for appointment television (when will we get a TiVo? when? nobody knows...), excepting, of course, the Simpsons.

And the TiVo thing brings me to the next item of business, which is really more of a question: has anyone else noticed that somewhere in the last two years television programming suddenly and inexplicably got exponentially better, better even than the current Hollywood dreck in movie theatres? In the past few months there have been very few movies I've felt like shelling out cash to see, yet there are so many TV series that I want to watch. I just wish watching TV could be more like a movie experience, because 1) I hate being at home and 2) I hate commercials. And 3) I hate being one of those losers who says, "I have to be home by 8:00 so I can watch the next episode of America's Top Home-Makeover Idol." As explained in no. 1 above, I don't like having to be home, ever, and I don't need that kind of stress in my life.

What else, as long as I'm boring the bejesus out of everyone? Last weekend BF and I went around to bookstores in DC and found a used bookstore that was selling a selection of hardback books for $4 each, or 6 for $20. Naturally, we being the shrewd business people we are, went for the 6 for $20 deal. So now I'm reading Prep by Curtis Sittenfeld, who sounds like a boy but is really a girl. I'm only a few pages in, so can't really explicate on it yet, but am continuing in my Reading-Lite vein. Oh well, I'm a moron. So shoot me.

OK. That's it. If any friends or well-wishers would like to get together with me while I'm in the Seattle/Tacoma area, send me an email so we can plan and/or so I can give you my cell phone number (yes, I finally bought a cell phone).

Congratulations, MLIS grads and soon-to-be grads! You know who you are.

SUCKERS. Joking, joking.

But seriously, I thought I'd take some time to share a little of my hard-earned post-library school wisdom with my friends who are now emerging onto the library-job-search scene, so that they don't get the same smack-in-the-face-HELLO!-what-were-you-thinking wake up call experienced by myself and my contemporaries upon our descent into the seedy underbelly of the entry level library job hunt.*

*Here's where I promise I will try to keep the cynicism down to a minimum-to-only-slightly-snarky level, so as to not discourage you and make you flee in terror from this wonderful world we like to call Library.

**Disclaimer: Everything I'm about to say applies only to the U.S. I have no experience searching for jobs in Canada, but it seems from judging by the number of my Canadian friends with jobs vs. the number of my American friends with jobs that the Canadian market is quite a bit more open than the American one. Just something to keep in mind.

OK, first, I have heard from sources that it is pointless to look for jobs in New York state. Now we all know someone who got a job there, but I'm just saying what I heard. Apparently the library school-graduate ratio to library jobs is not in our favor, what with all the library schools they have there, and they just keep churning out the grads every four months or so. Also, you can take it from me that unless you have connections or are some kind of wunderkind, do not even bother applying for jobs in the Washington, D.C. area. It's too competitive. Everyone else applying for jobs has too much experience, or knows someone high-up who can pull strings. I would also guess that Washington state and the Pacific Northwest in general is not the A-number one place to look, either. I see a lot of jobs advertised in California and Florida, though.

Second, I'm sorry to have to be the one to tell you, but there are no entry-level jobs. They just don't exist. Yeah, it's a real bummer. See, you will find job postings that say they are entry-level, or imply by their required qualifications that they are entry-level (i.e. the only requirement will be an MLIS from an accredited school), but in fact the job market is so saturated in the U.S. that employers will actually receive several applications from people who have a few or many years experience. And since people with experience generally need less training and handholding than those of us fresh out of school, guess who will get the job. And so much the better if the person with the experience is willing to work for an entry level salary. The result? We all get paid less! Hurray!

Third, be prepared for the job hunt to take a lot longer than you were expecting. Using myself as an example, it may take a year or longer to find something that pays half-way decently and is professionally satisfying. OK, in my case, longer than a year. And counting. You may have to take a job that is unworthy of you, just to make ends meet. You may have to endure countless humiliating interviews that turn out to be dead-ends, each time suffering the agony of either a) sucking ass in the interview and knowing it or b) sucking ass in the interview and not knowing it, emerging from it in breathless anticipation of an offer, telling your friends and loved ones you just KNOW this is The One, only to never hear back from the place again, except maybe in a distant chuckle on the wind.

Hmm, not doing so well with the cynicism. But anyway. I'd also like to share some of my tips on interviewing for the new grads, since I'm so accomplished in this area.

1) Try to get sleep the night before a big interview. I highly recommend it. If you get sleep, you will feel powerful and alert, whereas if you don't get sleep, it will take a Herculean effort not to drool all over yourself, much less say anything intelligent.

2) Try not to make it seem as though you lied on your resume and/or online portfolio. I think we all remember my own personal debacle with this, and how it turned out. (If you can't remember, I think it was in my very first blog post ever. It should be archived. I'm too lazy to figure out how to link it.)

3) For God's sakes, think of something good to say! At the very least, try very hard not to sound like a blithering idiot. This is where I always fail.

4) Remember to write a thank-you note, which I always forget to do. I don't actually know if it has any effect on the hiring outcome, but a little sweet-talkin' never hurt anyone.

5) If you haven't heard back within two weeks, you aint gonna. Sorry. [Except, of course, in my case, where I suddenly, inexplicably heard back two months later. And speaking of that, I still haven't heard back from my "yes, I am still interested" email. See next tip.]

6) The people doing the hiring are in general big jerks. They only get back to you, if they get back to you, on their own schedule, which is usually long after your interview, at which point you already know you didn't get the job anyway and seeing that reject letter in the mailbox is like a dagger in the heart. Like a kick in the balls when you're already writhing around and moaning on the floor. (Not that I would know of course, but I hear it's quite painful or something.)

Well, that's about all I have for you, grads. The deep, deep wisdom of Un[der]employed Hack, in all its stupid glory.

Congratulations again, and best of luck with the job search!

Hillbillies

Last Sunday my coworkers and I trekked down to the main campus of our illustrious university, which is located in the rolling hills of southwestern Virginia they like to call the Appalachian mountains. We went to a library in-service day there, which was a lot like this.

Anyway, the little town itself was very cute and nice. The university was large and architecturally pleasing; the grounds were beautiful and our hotel was excellent. The people, however. Let us just say, I really think southern Virginia needs to invest in a few more dentists. And maybe some elocution lessons, and some basic biology courses with the focus of: why it is not advisable to marry one's sister. And I can tell as I write this that it's all coming out to sound very mean, but what you must keep in mind is that this is the home of the Confederacy. I have very little sympathy for people who still use the 'n' word and drive pick-up trucks.

As for the "mountains." They were pretty, I will give you that. But as compared to the Cascades or the Rockies? MEH. I'm sorry, I can see at least as pretty if not prettier scenery driving down I-5. That's all I'm saying. And let's not even get into something like Whistler because, please. The two do not compare. They are not even the same sport, let alone the same league. Maybe it's just my northwest bias talking, or maybe it's just plain FACT. I'll let you decide.

Anyway, here's a little incident I'd like to leave you with, which is completely unrelated but interesting in its own way. On Tuesday after I'd returned home from the "mountains" I checked my email. Turns out I'd received a message that afternoon from the library where I'd had the kick-ass-in-my-head interview, which by the way was two months ago. They said they were in the process of "checking references" (for two months??) but wanted to know if I was still interested in the position. So now I'm thinking, "OK, two months?? But still, hot damn! They want to hire me!" Fast forward to today, Sunday. I have not heard word one from the library, nor has my boss, who is one of my references and is now out of town for a week. So my question is this: WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE?

Oh Vancouver, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways...

I've been thinking a lot lately for some reason about how much better Vancouver is than the rest of the world. Probably because I moved from there to the Worst Place on Earth, and since then have been reevaluating my decision making skills and sanity. So, as per usual, I've compiled a top ten list of reasons why Vancouver is better than everywhere else, because I'm too riddled with ADHD and caffeine to write in coherent paragraphs.

Top Ten Ways in Which Vancouver Rocks

1. The mere existence of Stanley Park. The thought of it fills me at first with peace, just knowing it's out there in the world, and then with rage, knowing it exists and that I cannot enjoy it, nor anything like it, here in Urban Monuments and Office Buildings and Sidewalks and All the Brick You Can Handle.

2. English Bay. Water is good. Water is refreshing. It is nice to look at blue, blue water. Water equals life. Asphalt, on the other hand, equals death. So does the Potomac River, for that matter, so don't even go there.

3. It has a soul. Meaning, you can go to Vancouver and know you are in Vancouver because it has a certain aura, a certain culture. Also, everyone has a Canadian accent. Unless they have an accent from, say, India or Greece or France or China.

4. Good food at reasonable prices. I could afford to eat well in Vancouver (maybe a little too well), and there were many lovely restaurants within an easy distance of my apartment. Here I can afford only a handful of restaurants and the food quality ranges from "meh" to "I'd rather eat a can of soup at home." Even the high-priced ones don't really live up to Vancouver standards. We don't eat out a whole lot anymore.

5. Fruits and vegetables and bread, oh my! Fresh markets. Bakeries. We don't have these things here. We have Safeway and Whole Foods ("Choices" for hippies with an inheritance), if you're lucky. Oh, but not in walking distance. The amount of money we spend on wilty, half-dead produce in a week would make your hair curl. And forget about fresh bread. Just wipe it from your mind. It doesn't exist.

6. A city built with the option in mind of (gasp!) actually walking for here to there. Americans, as we all know, are lazy, obese bastards. No one walks anywhere if they have the money to own a car, thus the sidewalks here are narrow, crumbling, and mostly non-existent. If you choose to walk, you run the risk of getting mowed down by a motorist every time you cross the street.

7. People there, in general, are friendly and easy going. People here, since they are always in a mad rush to get from one place to another (and I don't discount myself from this), are pushy pushy pushy. In the grocery store, people in line stand so close to one another that the person behind you could easily memorize your PIN as you swipe your debit card. There is no such thing as a "personal bubble" here, or more to the point, respectful distance.

8. It's in Canada. Land of gay marriage, universal health care, and abortions as far as the eye can see.

9. The government, presumably, will not tap your phone nor really give a crap whether or not you are a terrorist.

10. Beaches. Vancouver has awesome beaches, and it's not even on the ocean. If there is anything more perfect than lying on the beach, gazing at the azure blue sky against the backdrop of green mountain tops on a completely cloudless August afternoon, I don't know what it is.

Why my parents = headache + ulcer

As I mentioned in my last post, my parents came to visit this weekend. A good time was had by all, especially me, especially the part where my mom told me she sincerely believes that I'm going to hell because a) I'm living in sin with the BF (and have been for several years; I had assumed she was over it by now) and b) I don't believe in God. After a few days of being incredibly hurt by the fact that my own mother would both think this about her child, who so far has not done anything particularly spawn-of-satanish, and then tell said child of her fervent belief of child's imminent damnation, I have gotten enough distance to find the humor in the situation. Ha ha. Well, if my mother is correct, I guess I'll probably see her there for being a judgmental bitch. Ha ha.

Anyway, let's move on. I know you all love memes as much as I do, so I thought I'd do another one for you all that I came across this morning.

A-B-C Meme

Accent: West-coastish. If that can be called an accent. I guess its most distinctive characteristic is its lack of distinctive characteristics. I like to think that I sometimes have a wee bit of a Canadian accent, but I know in my heart that I don't.

Booze: Sadly, I really enjoy me a Smirnoff Ice, although it isn't as popular out here. A rum-and-coke comes in at a distant second. Although lately I've been craving margaritas.

Chore I Hate: Cleaning the effing bathroom. Unfortunately it's something I make myself do weekly, because not cleaning the bathroom is too disgusting to contemplate. The only reason I dislike it so much is that the other person I live with claims they are "too busy" to do it, thus I must do it myself Every. Single. Bloody. Week.

Dogs/Cats: I have one cat named Easy (see sidebar). She is 13, and her hobbies include hammering, looking out the window, and meowing at the top of her lungs every night the minute I fall asleep.

Essential electronics: My computer. Obviously.

Favorite perfume: I like the smell of Chanel No. 5, but since that's a little out of my tax bracket, I pretty much just stick with Tommy Girl.

Gold/silver: I have one white gold chain. I am gem- and precious metal-poor. And also just plain poor, too.

Hometown: I reluctantly admit it is Boise, Idaho. It's OK if you laugh a little.

Insomnia: No, thank you. Haha. Yes, I have it all the time these days, which really sucks because historically I am not a troubled sleeper.

Job title: My "title" is Library Specialist. However, in reality I am but a lowly library assistant, with the salary to prove it.

Kids: No, thank you.

Living arrangements: Piddly dungeon of a one bedroom apartment in Arlington, which I share with my BF and cat.

Most admired trait: I don't know if this is supposed to be a trait most admired in myself or other people. I guess for both I would have to say a sense of humor, which I seem to be lacking more and more these days.

Number of sexual partners: As though I would say. However, I will tell you that it's a prime number.

Overnight hospital stays: None so far.

Phobias: Driving, getting hit by a car, and spiders.

Quote: "Fuck it, Dude. Let's go bowling." If you don't know what that's from, I don't think I care to be associated with you anymore. (Kidding. Sort of.)

Religion: None. Was raised Catholic. If I had a shred of faith left, I would still be Catholic.

Siblings: An older brother and older sister.

Time I usually wake up: 7:00 on days I go to the gym; 7:30 on non-gym days.

Unusual talent: None that I am aware of. I don't think I have any usual talents, either.

Vegetable I refuse to eat: Cucumbers. They taste like a fat lot of nothing, with maybe some talcum powder mixed in.

Worst habit: Being a gigantic pessimist, which apparently I get from my mother. Funny story: my mom had been going on and on about how the end times are coming, judgment day is near, I'm going to hell, yada yada yada. A little while later I said something about how I probably won't get a better paying job within the next year, and my mom says, "Oh, don't be such a pessimist!"

X-rays: I've had them for my teeth. That's pretty much it. I have incredibly durable bones.

Yummy foods I make: I can whip up a mean beef stew, and I make incredible no-bake chocolate oatmeal cookies (which I realize need a sexier name).

Zodiac sign: Aquarius. Unfortunately I exhibit none of the usual Aquarius characteristics like artsy-fartsyness, a carefree spirit, and a go-my-own-way attitude, but rather am militaristic in my slavish obedience to rules, am anal retentive, and am decidedly untalented in any artistic field of endeavor.

There. I'm tired. And by the way, no word yet on the private school. Apparently hell's temperatures are well away from freezing at this point.

Stephen Colbert: A Man for All Seasons

In case you haven't heard by now, Stephen Colbert (of the famed "Colbert Report") gave a scathing, balls-out performance at the White House Correspondent's dinner the other night. I won't be able to say this any better than any of the other bloggers, but Oh. My. God. If you haven't seen it yet, you really need to watch it. The skit is really uncomfortable in spots but so worth it. He's basically doing the same thing he does every night on his show, only this time he does it RIGHT IN FRONT of the very people he satirizes. W. himself was sitting just a few feet away during the whole thing, and boy did he looked pissed off; the rest of the audience basically sat in silence throughout, apparently stunned that anyone would have the TRUTHINESS to actually say what the entire country is thinking, damn the consequences. You really have to give it to the guy. Oh yeah, and it was pretty damn funny too, even if much of the humor was of the "Oh my god I can't believe the Secret Service hasn't shot him yet" variety.

In other news, there is no other news. My parents are coming to visit this weekend, which should be a hootenany. Actually, I'm looking forward to it since I haven't seen them for a year and it will give me a break from the routine. Also, free meals (I'm hoping). Now I've become one of those blogs where I recount the mundane details of my day-to-day existence without bothering to wonder if anyone actually cares about things like my self-tanning incident-of-horror. (Don't worry, I won't bore you with the details except to say that no one, under any circumtances, should buy L'Oreal's self-tanning spray. It just isn't worth it.)

I will tell you, however, that I am currently reading Gilead by Marilynne Robinson, and it's one of those books where reading it makes you want to sit down and write. Or start of a book club just so you can talk about it with other people.

Which reminds me, going back to the mundane details of my existence, that I quit my book club recently. I just decided I wasn't getting enough out of it to make it worth my while to leave work an hour early once a month and make the trek into DC. I had originally started going because I thought I would be able to meet like-minded people and make some friends, but then the group got very large and stupid people started showing up, and the stupid people ended up dominating most of the conversations to the point where discussions devolved into the more intelligent members of the group trying to explain the finer points of literary criticism to the idiots. And plus the group kept picking books that I had already read or had no interest in reading, and one group member (albeit one of the club founders) kept pushing the Communist Manifesto and I'm sorry, I just don't want to spend my free time pouring over Karl Marx right now.

So I'm looking for another book club and thinking about joining a writing group, and meanwhile enjoying books of my own choosing, thank you very much.

Updates

Another reason why I love Canadians and all things Canada-related.

And Tab Energy? Tastes like crap.

Temps rise in short term, but will the cold snap return? Hell News at 10

Sweet Jesus, I'm tired today. I'm sitting here at work and cannot keep my eyes open. Seriously. I may have to go buy some sort of energy drink to make it through the day, even though I've already had about 30 oz. of caffeinated goodness so far. I was all jazzed up to try the new Tab Energy pink extravaganza-in-a-tin-can but they didn't carry it at the store I went to this morning so I settled for a Diet Dr. Pepper; obviously a mistake . My drowsiness might be from the allergy pill I took this morning, which for some reason doesn't seem to hit me until about mid-way through dosage cycle - in this case, 6 hours. I hope I don't fall over and injure myself somehow.

Anyway, this is the reason that I love Canadians and all things Canada-related.

Oh yeah, the headline obliquely (or not) refers to the fact that I haven't heard back from the school yet, but it's been less than a week since my interview so who knows. I will of course keep you updated as events warrant.

Underworld cooling trend continues

I went for an interview today at the private school. It was meh. Not the school, but my interview. Actually, it went much better than I could have hoped for, since I didn't get any sleep last night due to hideous allergies and my body's erroneous reaction to Benadryl (the well-known drowsiness effect? Didn't happen). My feeling is that they will ultimately go with someone who has a background in either teaching or young adult librarianship - the question I kept getting asked was, "Why do you want to work with high school students?" and I can't exactly answer that it's been my lifelong dream. It was a whim, people, a whim! A passing fancy. A thought experiment, if you will. I tried to subtly indicate that without saying it outright, but even I admit that you can't blame someone for not hiring me. Why bother hiring a candidate who may or may not fit in and who may or may not like working with kids when you can hire someone who specializes in hanging out with the teenagers?

The good news is that I called in sick today so I don't have to work till 10:00 as previously planned. The bad news is that there is probably nothing but crap on TV.

Cat blogging Sunday

I know that traditionally cat blogging is supposed to take place on Friday in the culture of the so-called, dare I say it, "blogoshere." But I forgot to do it on Friday and Saturday, so here it is Sunday already, and I'm just now getting around to the cat blogging.

But anyway, as you can see from the photo above, we finally put the lazy beatnik to work around the house. Here she's struggling to wield a hammer, but don't worry, she got the hang of it after a few tries, despite the lack of opposable thumbs. And she only gouged out that one eye, so it's all good.

This just in: Storm clouds heading toward Hell; cooler weather predicted

OK. I think you all know how I feel about children and all things child-like; i.e. scant to zero interest, particularly when it comes to avenues of librarianship.

However. There comes a point in the job search where you begin to take seriously career possibilities that would never have occured to you without the sudden clarity of desperation.

Namely, I have just applied for a position as a private school librarian (high school), and even received a call back about it. The thing is, I came to the decision last week that, after having worked with adult students in academic libraries for awhile now, perhaps working with kids wouldn't be half bad. And it isn't as though these would be little kids - they would practically be adults, but I would have the abilitity to tell them to sit down and shut up, something that is not within my power at my current job.

So we shall see where this leads. I am apprehensive and yet open-minded about the possibilities, and am already savoring the idea of 8:00 - 5:00 / Mon.-Fri. hours. No weekends!

Oh, life and things like that

Here I am at work again, on a lovely spring Saturday for which the projected high temperature is 82 degrees. And you all wonder why I hate my life. But the greater tragedy here is that my one-year anniversary of looking for a full-time professional position has come and gone, with little fanfair and even littler chance of finding said job. I am having a really hard time being positive at the moment (as though I'm so positive at others times), especially since I joined Weight Watchers a few weeks ago and am now in a constant state of semi-hunger. Which is fine and good, and as it should be. If weight loss were not painful we'd all be thin, right? There would be no "obesity epidemic" (although frankly I have my doubts as to whether or not there really is an epidemic anyway).

So, that being said about the gloom and doom and the weight loss and what have you, I'm just gonna do a meme for today, which will be nice and lighthearted and allow me not to have to work really hard to craft anything witty. This one is kind of lame, but you will just have to deal.

Top Five Must-Haves:

In My Fridge
1) Thomas' Light Multi-grain English Muffins - they're only one point on the Flex Plan! And reasonably filling, for an hour or so anyway.
2) Carrots - sad, but true
3) Weight Watchers Chocolate Sunday Cones - Technically these are in the freezer, not the fridge, but they are quite yummy for being a diet food.
4) Unsweetened applesauce - As BF calls it, babyfood. *Sigh*
5) Nonfat cream cheese - God I'm boring.

In My Closet
1) There are really no "must-haves" here, other than jeans, but at the moment I only have three pairs of those. Someday I would like to have nice clothes that I am not ashamed to wear out in public.

In My Purse
1) Various and sundry keys.
2) At least one breath-freshener, preferably of the gum persuasion.
3) A book or magazine to read on the subway - I just finished Lost in the Forest by Sue Miller, and it's a good thing cuz that book was heavy.
4) Lip gloss or lip coloration of some kind. Very important. Right now I have about five different tubes in my purse. The little pouch in there intended for a cell phone currently houses them. Alas, I am still cell-phone-less.
5) Change so I can buy sodas at work. Sodas (notice how I no longer say "pop"? I am becoming so cultured out here) are one of the few joys I allow myself, and they keep me from strangling myself with my mouse cord.

In My Car
1) Let's see: motor oil?
2) Gas.
3) Radiator fluid.
4) An engine.
5) Someone to drive because I sure as hell aint gonna. I don't drive a lot these days, see?

In My Netflix Cue (was orginally supposed to be "in my TiVo", but I don't have TiVo. How behind the times am I?)
1) Six Feet Under Season 5 - I am addicted to that show and it will always hold a special place in my heart. I only wish season five wasn't the last.
2) The first season of Lost. Like I said, behind the times.
3) Twenty-Eight Days - never seen it. Hear it's good. Zombies and shiznit.
4) The Ice Harvest - I don't know if I've spoken of my John Cusack love here, but I think he's pretty much The Man. Right up there with Johnny Depp. They are The Men. So anyway, Cusack is in this movie, hence its no. 2 spot in my cue.
5) The Best of the Best of the Electric Company - ah, the halcyon days of childhood, when learning how to say big words was the most difficult challenge we had to grapple with.

Well garsh

OK, I apologize for the shitty updating as of late. I know I've been slacking off, and I'm sorry. In other news, the move went well, if we are defining "well" to mean that no one was killed or seriously injured during the process or aftermath of moving, and the majority of our belongings made it across the parking lot without severe damage. If we define "well" to mean that all in all, we feel better for having moved and are satisfied with our new apartment and believe the effort of moving was in fact worthwhile, then no, the move did not go well at all. I guess it depends if you're in a glass-half-empty or half-full kind of mood.

Speaking of everything in my life totally sucking, I bought a $110 sandwich last night, and I have to say, it wasn't really worth it. I purchased said $110 sandwich because the BF and I decided, in a moment of wanton hedonism, to drive to the local Quiznos for dinner (yeah, we live the high life). Upon arriving at Quiznos, we had the sheer brazeness, the nerve, the big hairy cajones, to throw caution to the wind and good sense out the window; to park in the entirely-empty-but-for-us parking lot we naively assumed had been paved and painted expressly for the use of the customers of the three businesses located in the building for which the parking lot had seemingly been built.

Oh, how wrong we were. As it turns out, only TWO of the parking spaces in this completely empty lot were intended for use by Quiznos customers, and we being the obviously slapdash sloppy-vehicle-parking dunderheads we are, failed to realize this, and accidentally parked in a space designated for one of the other businesses which were closed by that time in the evening.

And by now I'm sure you can all guess where this is going. Yep, my car was towed. In the ten minutes it took to order and pay for a Turkey Lite and Turkey Ranch and Swiss, the thing was gone like whisper in the night. After much bitching and yelling and threats of litigation on the part of BF, we managed to locate the car and get it back, but we did not manage to retain our appetites for the fucking lousy sandwiches that caused all the trouble in the first place. And let me tell you something else: this type of thing is called predatory towing, my friends, and it is illegal. So, if ever you are tempted to park in the Quiznos parking lot in Arlington, VA, be warned! And also the name of the towing company was something like Advanced Towing, and they are shitheads. That's my PSA for the evening.

Anyway, in conclusion, we had to pay a taxi to take us to the towing place ($10), then another $100 to get the car. By this time of course we were furious and anxious and generally fed up with the world, and the god damn sandwiches were bloody cold and soggy by the time we were able to eat them. So the moral of this story: if you come home from work some random day and are kind of tired and don't feel like making dinner and decide on a whim to go eat at a restaurant, you better sure as hell shake off the exhaustion and WALK THERE because laziness will cost you. Big time.